There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
