i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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