my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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