I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
