i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
