one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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