so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
