I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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