A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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