You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
it hurts more in the daytime
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
