In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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