Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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