I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
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Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
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I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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