Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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