I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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