I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
