forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I deserve this hangover.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
