You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
