i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
So squirting runs in the family.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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