matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
