3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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