Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
