My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
