he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Randomize