she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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