bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
