I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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