There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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