I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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