Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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