I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
