Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
