my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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