whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
