That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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