so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
