guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
