you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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