Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
