i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
