I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
