found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
