dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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