Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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