Just fell off a train. Bad.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
