i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
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The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
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So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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