I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
