Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
