i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
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