I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
