The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
