If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
