I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
