I'm laying in your front yard are you home
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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