That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
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