i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
