She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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