She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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