All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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