i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
this is an emotional support booty call
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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