Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
