Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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