Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
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Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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