2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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