I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
