I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
i think my cat just said my name.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
