Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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