I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
40s are totally the cure
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
