I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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