Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Your cock deserves a montage
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
