You don't have asthma, your pregnant
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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