i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
so much tequila, so little girl.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
