Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
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